ConCarolinas Happened. It was awesome.

ConCarolinas was a dream come true, but maybe not in the way you think. Yes, I went there as a guest and I was on panels and people watched me with rapt attention (I think), but honestly, the fans were icing for me. The ConFam was cake.

I’ve spent a lot of my life drifting in a sea of “I don’t belong” with a serious paranoia of people who draw up alongside claiming to be willing to let me be part of their band. I generally pull away from those who offer to be my friend because I’m afraid I won’t be good enough to keep it. Eventually, the novelty will wear off and they will find someone new they like better.

I do not anticipate that fear will ever go away.

Back to happier things, so many of the people I met over the weekend were wonderful. Welcoming, supportive, nice. For the first time in a long time, I fit in. I didn’t have to be the smart one; I was surrounded by smart ones. My sense of humor didn’t stick out or make people look at me weird. The references made sense, except about television cause I haven’t significantly watched TV in years and I’ve never had a Netflix subscription.

I went somewhere and people seemed sad when I said I was leaving. ConCarolinas is in Charlotte, NC. I live in Savannah, GA. Not a super long way home, but far enough that I don’t wanna wait too late to get started lest it be midnight before I reach my bed.

I want to go back. I got to stand out just enough to know I was among those with whom I don’t have to. I belonged. There were, as there will always be, moments when I was panicked and confused and looking for the nearest exit. My life is lived between those moments like a sentence exists around and because of the punctuation. They will never go away.

Next year, I will try again. I wish I could tag all the amazing people I met, some of whom I’ve been aware of for years via magicalwords.net, and some who were wholly new to me. I want to thank everyone for making a n00b panelist feel like she had something worthwhile to say.

Great Con, thanks for everything.

Oh, and if you want to hear me on a panel, head over to Chris A. Jackson’s blog and snag the audio recording of “Where’s My Brainjack” in which we doom and gloomed all over the future of humanity and technology.

Comments

  1. Jonathan "Dr Archeville" Howell

    Same, same, same. I liked seeing you on the “Where’s My Brainjack?” panel (I’m one of the folks who’d asked a question, which was I think the first time I spoke to anyone all con). I’m glad you had a good time, and hope to see you again next year!

    1. Post
      Author
      Alledria

      I had a lot of fun. Honestly, though 9am for a panel is a little brutal. Good thing we had coffee and shenanigans to keep us going until our brains kicked in.

      I hope to come back next year. I think I would have more fun and be less nervous.

    1. Post
      Author
      Alledria

      An absolutely unforgettable experience. I wanna go back and do better next time, even though I haven’t really ascertained what better would be.

    1. Post
      Author
      Alledria

      Thank you guys for having me and making things wonderful. I brought my husband and my mother, both of whom had a great time. I’m looking forward to hopefully coming back next year.

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